Now or later

Someone gave me the advice last week not to run too fast into my future plans. He was right probably. It is funny. I keep changing between the phases where a bright future stands in front of me and I start doing plans for career, leisure and more. And just a few hours later the apathy, that has been with me for so many years catches me back.

Most of the past years I was living my life with the parking break on. There is nothing new about me not knowing in which direction I want to walk in my life, but that I simply have a few scenarios that I could imagine. But I feel that now, when I will get eventually be cured, I should take a decision on this.

I should not hurry, take my time, he said. I feel like I was given one entire new life, like if all my possibilities had multiplied. I feel a clarity in my mind coming up that was hardly ever there. I stand where others stand when they are much younger - eventually. I feel the need to catch up - or start walking at least. I want to take the opportunities now, when I see them. That makes it so hard. I have hard times to believe that they will still be there once I am completely cured.