I wished I could cheer
This morning again I felt like shit when I woke up. I just told myself it is going to go away. Few hours later I left to meet people. Came back home, still ignored and patched the pain. Though I started getting the impression, that I was feeling exactly the way I had been shortly before I started the treatment.
Left home again to watch the match in the Fanzone with Tristan. After 80 minutes into the match the guy who had stood behind me since the beginning of the game finally overcame his shyness and asked me: "What does LCGeneva stand for? It is written on the back of your T-Shirt." I explained and kept watching the game.
A bit more than 10 minutes later I asked Tristan to do me a favor and accompany me to the hospital. He agreed, but still hesitating I finally changed my opinion and told him I would prefer to leave for home. Maybe the pain would go as suddenly as it had appeared. On the way I would pass near the hospital anyway, in case I changed my mind.
Biking home I reached the crossroads, where I had the street towards Bethlehem in front of me and the clinic to my left. "I hate you bitch!" I said in painful resignation and turned left.
After some endless minutes in the waiting room of the emergency department with two policemen and the handcuffed criminal that they were guarding, the doctor asked me in. I told him my illness, medication and latest symptoms.
He admitted very soon what I already knew: that he could not change much, but that he could offer me...
"No, I am not staying here!" I interrupted him.
All the medication that he could give me I have at home on my night shelf. I do not need an environment that turns me even more ill than I already am. Not tonight. He accepted that, though I had to promise to call as soon as my state would worsen more.
Once this cleared I took the advantage to ask him what actually might be wrong with me, given the fact that my state had become so worse in the last few days.
"Maybe it means that you are going through this phase because the medication starts working." I was almost cheering in my mind while staying stoic listening.
"But it can actually also mean that the medication is failing and that it has to be changed." Yet I was stoic, but obviously not cheering.
Who said medicine was an exact science?
Eventually I said good bye to the doc, knowing that I would meet him next week, when my medical file is going to be discussed with the entire team of 30 doctors.
For f***'s sake, I have been through three weeks full of side effects TWICE and now they are telling me that maybe all this was for nothing! I must admit I feel better, but I AM not better I am being told. I feel every f***ing day that I might not survive this, the last five days or so even more than before. I have been ill for too long.
However, I will see tomorrow how it goes. Otherwise I call. Though I am disappointed about my state as well as the options the docs are offering me, despite all their good will. Let's see if I can find a video that shows how I kind of feel...
Left home again to watch the match in the Fanzone with Tristan. After 80 minutes into the match the guy who had stood behind me since the beginning of the game finally overcame his shyness and asked me: "What does LCGeneva stand for? It is written on the back of your T-Shirt." I explained and kept watching the game.
A bit more than 10 minutes later I asked Tristan to do me a favor and accompany me to the hospital. He agreed, but still hesitating I finally changed my opinion and told him I would prefer to leave for home. Maybe the pain would go as suddenly as it had appeared. On the way I would pass near the hospital anyway, in case I changed my mind.
Biking home I reached the crossroads, where I had the street towards Bethlehem in front of me and the clinic to my left. "I hate you bitch!" I said in painful resignation and turned left.
After some endless minutes in the waiting room of the emergency department with two policemen and the handcuffed criminal that they were guarding, the doctor asked me in. I told him my illness, medication and latest symptoms.
He admitted very soon what I already knew: that he could not change much, but that he could offer me...
"No, I am not staying here!" I interrupted him.
All the medication that he could give me I have at home on my night shelf. I do not need an environment that turns me even more ill than I already am. Not tonight. He accepted that, though I had to promise to call as soon as my state would worsen more.
Once this cleared I took the advantage to ask him what actually might be wrong with me, given the fact that my state had become so worse in the last few days.
"Maybe it means that you are going through this phase because the medication starts working." I was almost cheering in my mind while staying stoic listening.
"But it can actually also mean that the medication is failing and that it has to be changed." Yet I was stoic, but obviously not cheering.
Who said medicine was an exact science?
Eventually I said good bye to the doc, knowing that I would meet him next week, when my medical file is going to be discussed with the entire team of 30 doctors.
For f***'s sake, I have been through three weeks full of side effects TWICE and now they are telling me that maybe all this was for nothing! I must admit I feel better, but I AM not better I am being told. I feel every f***ing day that I might not survive this, the last five days or so even more than before. I have been ill for too long.
However, I will see tomorrow how it goes. Otherwise I call. Though I am disappointed about my state as well as the options the docs are offering me, despite all their good will. Let's see if I can find a video that shows how I kind of feel...
posted by Sabi at 12:53 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home