Case study
It has been three months now.
If I take for granted what the doc said, when I made my first appearance in the hospital in March, than I should cure within the next couple of days: "Roughly 3 months" he said than. "But maybe longer". One of his colleagues later did not exclude the possibility, that I might need medication for the rest of my life. The truth is somewhere in between it seems.
Still I am alive, and something in me refuses to believe that I am going to die. It is just not to happen. Though I still have Thursday night at the emergency department in my mind.
In the end I will eat myself to death before the bitch gets me I think - AGAIN I ate a full bucket of Lemon Ice Cream.
On a more serious note: My state has stabilized on a not very high level. I felt it had worsen in the past days, but it is not as bad as it was a bit less than one week ago.
Today I was a case study. My medication, symptoms and treatment were being discussed It was my curiosity that made me volunteer for this happening. I was maybe a bit naive expecting meeting 30 doctors absolutely keen on nothing but getting me cured. It was rather the professor (and head of department) questioning me on my symptoms and sufferings, kind of transmitting the message: "Look at this pathetic creature and its disease." Being a case study made me feel like a case study, rather than a patient or any other form of human being.
Though I took two things out of this event: First, the doctors trust more in the current medication than I do. No new drugs for the time being. In their defense: I feel something is going on in my body this week. Let's wait and see.
Second, while the doctors' efforts in getting me cured have not been very fruitful until now, they show unlimited ambition in coming up with the most ridiculous statements that one can expect from a physician. Today's winner: The lady who asked me in the Q&A that followed the case study: "Given all the failed efforts that have been put into your treatment, and the bad condition that you have now after all these years again, don't you feel frustrated?"
No, of course not. I could not imagine anything more cheerful than going to hospital for a checkup at least once a week . This week I had two by the way. The third one is due on Friday.
The good things: I can work as the EURO-job has proved this month, despite my handicap. Getting back into life in one way or the other seems possible. It should just not be anything that requires the use of my brain.
Also I should mention again the gratitude that I feel for the people who are with me. By being a friend, reminding me of the help that I can count on when needed, having a coffee chat once in a while or simply reading this blog, where I am putting into written words what I feel uncomfortable putting into spoken ones. Despite my own perception that what I have written here particularly in the last couple of weeks was near to rubbish. But I let others judge on this.
If I take for granted what the doc said, when I made my first appearance in the hospital in March, than I should cure within the next couple of days: "Roughly 3 months" he said than. "But maybe longer". One of his colleagues later did not exclude the possibility, that I might need medication for the rest of my life. The truth is somewhere in between it seems.
Still I am alive, and something in me refuses to believe that I am going to die. It is just not to happen. Though I still have Thursday night at the emergency department in my mind.
In the end I will eat myself to death before the bitch gets me I think - AGAIN I ate a full bucket of Lemon Ice Cream.
On a more serious note: My state has stabilized on a not very high level. I felt it had worsen in the past days, but it is not as bad as it was a bit less than one week ago.
Today I was a case study. My medication, symptoms and treatment were being discussed It was my curiosity that made me volunteer for this happening. I was maybe a bit naive expecting meeting 30 doctors absolutely keen on nothing but getting me cured. It was rather the professor (and head of department) questioning me on my symptoms and sufferings, kind of transmitting the message: "Look at this pathetic creature and its disease." Being a case study made me feel like a case study, rather than a patient or any other form of human being.
Though I took two things out of this event: First, the doctors trust more in the current medication than I do. No new drugs for the time being. In their defense: I feel something is going on in my body this week. Let's wait and see.
Second, while the doctors' efforts in getting me cured have not been very fruitful until now, they show unlimited ambition in coming up with the most ridiculous statements that one can expect from a physician. Today's winner: The lady who asked me in the Q&A that followed the case study: "Given all the failed efforts that have been put into your treatment, and the bad condition that you have now after all these years again, don't you feel frustrated?"
No, of course not. I could not imagine anything more cheerful than going to hospital for a checkup at least once a week . This week I had two by the way. The third one is due on Friday.
The good things: I can work as the EURO-job has proved this month, despite my handicap. Getting back into life in one way or the other seems possible. It should just not be anything that requires the use of my brain.
Also I should mention again the gratitude that I feel for the people who are with me. By being a friend, reminding me of the help that I can count on when needed, having a coffee chat once in a while or simply reading this blog, where I am putting into written words what I feel uncomfortable putting into spoken ones. Despite my own perception that what I have written here particularly in the last couple of weeks was near to rubbish. But I let others judge on this.
posted by Sabi at 12:25 AM
1 Comments:
Hugs!!!
Das wird schon :)
x
Post a Comment
<< Home