Up and down and up and down again
F***ing bloody side effects! The day had started so well, full of energy and with a big laugh.
Around noon I met Cileia in the Facebook-chat. She asked how I felt, and I happily told her that I was very well, which was how I felt. After five minutes I left the chat for having lunch, and ten minutes later my stomach taught me a lesson on who the boss is, or at least claims to be. The bitch had stroken. I became furious, slammed my fist against the cupboard. Now I have a bruise on my wrist as well. I went from depression into euphoria and back again, met hypertension on the way, nervousnes, aggression. My appetite is gone. It feels like in a week I lost the 4 kilos that I gained since the start of my treatment. It feels like killing the illness it was forgotten that in the end the patient should still be alive.
The human metabolism is such a sophisticated and complex machine, that any intervention can only cause harm before the intended improvement appears. I just have to believe that the improvement is going to come. My reason should keep me back from swallowing that stupid red pill in the morning, when I feel ok. That pill that causes all these side effects. But the reason is not the deciding factor here. I am not to listen to it. Weird enough.
Last but not least, I should recap the score again: My generally improved state that was proven in two consecutive checkups gives me 2 points, the fact that I my brain works again for a few hours a day gives me another two. The side effects and the lows in the past two weeks give 2 points to the bitch though! 10:12, the bitch still in the lead! Hehe, but I am catching up!
But I keep cautious. Feeling good does not mean being good, yet!
Around noon I met Cileia in the Facebook-chat. She asked how I felt, and I happily told her that I was very well, which was how I felt. After five minutes I left the chat for having lunch, and ten minutes later my stomach taught me a lesson on who the boss is, or at least claims to be. The bitch had stroken. I became furious, slammed my fist against the cupboard. Now I have a bruise on my wrist as well. I went from depression into euphoria and back again, met hypertension on the way, nervousnes, aggression. My appetite is gone. It feels like in a week I lost the 4 kilos that I gained since the start of my treatment. It feels like killing the illness it was forgotten that in the end the patient should still be alive.
The human metabolism is such a sophisticated and complex machine, that any intervention can only cause harm before the intended improvement appears. I just have to believe that the improvement is going to come. My reason should keep me back from swallowing that stupid red pill in the morning, when I feel ok. That pill that causes all these side effects. But the reason is not the deciding factor here. I am not to listen to it. Weird enough.
Last but not least, I should recap the score again: My generally improved state that was proven in two consecutive checkups gives me 2 points, the fact that I my brain works again for a few hours a day gives me another two. The side effects and the lows in the past two weeks give 2 points to the bitch though! 10:12, the bitch still in the lead! Hehe, but I am catching up!
But I keep cautious. Feeling good does not mean being good, yet!
posted by Sabi at 11:37 PM
2 Comments:
i'm sorry it didn't last... i don't know what to say except you should come have lunch with me in zurich some time! hugs!
Sukrya Benji! We really should, but maybe not this week. Will let you know!
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