Long Road to Ruin
If you sneeze now reading this blog, you will probably not think why, not be assuming an upcoming cold. If your head is aching, you will not think of any disease, just assume you are having a hard day. If your back is itchy, you will just scratch yourself and not think of any skin problem. If your stomach is rumbling you will not suspect a food poisoning. You will just ignore it.
Like a sneeze, a headache or a scratchy body part my illness started with symptoms most of us meet in their life. It is just annoying, but if it stays over months and years it becomes life threatening. And this makes it so dangerous, people do not realize over a very long time, that they are actually ill. Same for me.
I can blame the bitch for my current state, but it did give me some hints, which only now I get to understand. I remember of April 2004, being clearly in a state where these symptoms were impossible to appear. But I remember one hint during the last Euro in June 2004, one when I left Geneva in April 2005, one when I started my MC-term, one midterm in December, one in April 2006 just before KickOff , more and more during autumn 2006, several in the week when I was matched and the ones after, one 40 minutes before I boarded the plane out of Switzerland, one in my first week in Mumbai at 1am in the "RockBottom"-Disco, one in August 2007 on a Sunday afternoon, more and more during September, many all through October, one the day before Divali, one in the week before I left for Christmas vacation, one that clearly stated that I was seriously ill on the weekend before I left Bombay when zigzagging on the back of a motorbike between rickshaws and other Mumbai traffic on the way from Andheri to St. Cruz in a Saturday night, one on the morning after when I woke up in Andheri and many many more between the day I arrived back in Switzerland and Easter Monday. Of course this list is not exhaustive.
I also remember a discussion that I had with a friend in autumn 2005, which now makes much more sense than back then.
But I never felt bad enough to think that something might be fundamentally wrong with me. I did not think the bitch was back. You think you are just a bit exhausted, unfit, but in fact your body refuses to produce the essential. Your body starts working against you, refuses its support and your orders.
I have too much time to think about this on one hand, but also have to know what caused it on the other.
But I also have too much time to read about symptoms and watch (mostly on TV) doctors working. Should stop watching Scrubs and ER, they are unreal. My life is not.
Like a sneeze, a headache or a scratchy body part my illness started with symptoms most of us meet in their life. It is just annoying, but if it stays over months and years it becomes life threatening. And this makes it so dangerous, people do not realize over a very long time, that they are actually ill. Same for me.
I can blame the bitch for my current state, but it did give me some hints, which only now I get to understand. I remember of April 2004, being clearly in a state where these symptoms were impossible to appear. But I remember one hint during the last Euro in June 2004, one when I left Geneva in April 2005, one when I started my MC-term, one midterm in December, one in April 2006 just before KickOff , more and more during autumn 2006, several in the week when I was matched and the ones after, one 40 minutes before I boarded the plane out of Switzerland, one in my first week in Mumbai at 1am in the "RockBottom"-Disco, one in August 2007 on a Sunday afternoon, more and more during September, many all through October, one the day before Divali, one in the week before I left for Christmas vacation, one that clearly stated that I was seriously ill on the weekend before I left Bombay when zigzagging on the back of a motorbike between rickshaws and other Mumbai traffic on the way from Andheri to St. Cruz in a Saturday night, one on the morning after when I woke up in Andheri and many many more between the day I arrived back in Switzerland and Easter Monday. Of course this list is not exhaustive.
I also remember a discussion that I had with a friend in autumn 2005, which now makes much more sense than back then.
But I never felt bad enough to think that something might be fundamentally wrong with me. I did not think the bitch was back. You think you are just a bit exhausted, unfit, but in fact your body refuses to produce the essential. Your body starts working against you, refuses its support and your orders.
I have too much time to think about this on one hand, but also have to know what caused it on the other.
But I also have too much time to read about symptoms and watch (mostly on TV) doctors working. Should stop watching Scrubs and ER, they are unreal. My life is not.
posted by Sabi at 10:21 PM
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