Kinda good news

My knee hurts! Why this is good news? Well, for the first time since end of March I have a handicap that is not related to the bitch, and also this means that there is a weather change coming up! The clouds will go!

More good news: I think slowly the side effects are weakening, or let's better say become more balanced. Hard to describe, as so much in this illness.

The bad news: something happened this morning that never happened before like this. I woke up and immediately fell into panic. I felt fear. I felt that the strength that is needed to survive all this might not be with me, not stay with me until the end. I was afraid of loosing the fight, of giving in. It is my will that has to keep me alive. I am not allowed to loose it. If the side effects are killing my force, what shall I fight the bitch with?

I have to ignore my feelings these days. Reason is not relevant I already wrote this last week.