Frustration
Yes, I want to know WHY THE F**** I am ill, but I am also afraid of what I might learn out of it. I am afraid of finding out the price I have paid so far. I am afraid of realizing what all I have lost. I am afraid of seeing what I might have caused to myself by ignoring the symptoms. I feel guilty. I feel frustrated. No matter how much I fight, I cannot accelerate the healing. I cannot get back what is gone for good. I can get back my health one day probably, but not the time I lose on the way getting there. Yes, I take things out of this, but honestly, I could be very happy without.
Had my weekly checkup, we tried to find out where all this comes from. It was exhausting, I felt like wasting my time.
However, I have to say thank you to two people. First Sue, who I had a great chat with in the afternoon over facebook. And second Simone, who just told me to join the LCBern LCM and an info session on Xchange with India rather than sitting around at home in apathy, as I did the last two days. I have to force myself to some social life these days.
Last but not least a funny little story out of the AIESEC network. I met Abijith today, an LCVP from Chennai, who during his family holiday in Switzerland took the occasion to vist the MC and LCBern to promote Chennai and India as an AIESEC-destination. I helped him joining the session and shared my experiences as a Westerner in India to AIESEC Members. After the meeting I guided him to the Zytglogge, where he would meet with his parents and sister. On the way there we saw Moritz Leuenberger in the street. I could tell him: "Look, this gentleman is our minister of transport."
A simple man with a briefcase, no bodyguard, no escort, he actually walks as a pedestrian (When I was in Chennai we saw the governor's convoy pass through, ten cars full of security guards surrounding the one in which the governor would sit).
Eventually arriving at the zytglogge, Abijith introduced me to his family and told them that I had been living in Bombay for a year. "No stranger to India than!" His mum recognized.
I was just agreeing with a smile and wagging my head as only Indians do. The way I hadn't since my arrival from India.
No matter how long the illness might have been with me, in the end it did not avoid me from exploring the world. I am proud of that.
Had my weekly checkup, we tried to find out where all this comes from. It was exhausting, I felt like wasting my time.
However, I have to say thank you to two people. First Sue, who I had a great chat with in the afternoon over facebook. And second Simone, who just told me to join the LCBern LCM and an info session on Xchange with India rather than sitting around at home in apathy, as I did the last two days. I have to force myself to some social life these days.
Last but not least a funny little story out of the AIESEC network. I met Abijith today, an LCVP from Chennai, who during his family holiday in Switzerland took the occasion to vist the MC and LCBern to promote Chennai and India as an AIESEC-destination. I helped him joining the session and shared my experiences as a Westerner in India to AIESEC Members. After the meeting I guided him to the Zytglogge, where he would meet with his parents and sister. On the way there we saw Moritz Leuenberger in the street. I could tell him: "Look, this gentleman is our minister of transport."
A simple man with a briefcase, no bodyguard, no escort, he actually walks as a pedestrian (When I was in Chennai we saw the governor's convoy pass through, ten cars full of security guards surrounding the one in which the governor would sit).
Eventually arriving at the zytglogge, Abijith introduced me to his family and told them that I had been living in Bombay for a year. "No stranger to India than!" His mum recognized.
I was just agreeing with a smile and wagging my head as only Indians do. The way I hadn't since my arrival from India.
No matter how long the illness might have been with me, in the end it did not avoid me from exploring the world. I am proud of that.
posted by Sabi at 11:44 PM
1 Comments:
Immer wieder gärn...:-) Sending u a huuuuge energy hug!
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