Rocket Fuel
It has been a month now!
The good news? well first of all: I am still alive!
I did not exaggerate when I told Sara on Saturday that I feel every day how this illness has the power to kill me. I simply try to ignore this, but constantly it stays in my head. Whichever strategy, I have been successful so far! You might have broken my mind and body, bitch, but you won't break my will to live!
Yesterday I have been to the hospital again, for a new checkup (the second this week). The doctor was happy. As I am doing better compared to 1 month ago, he decided to start now an even stronger treatment. So starting from now, dropping in a pill will not only be the end of every day, but also the start. He said, that this combination of medication was nicknamed "rocket fuel", due to the energy boost it causes to most of the patients. My confidence in the seriosity of the art of medicine is being challenged these days.
So here I am with a horse load of medication beside me. Every drug addict would envy me. The Patient information leaflet for the new drug is actually a booklet. The impressive list of side effects outnumbers almost the effects that appear, in case I cease the treatment from one day to the other. What lead me to another question to the doctor:
Given the high dose of drugs I was prescribed I asked how we would end the treatment once all this is over. "Very easy!" The doc answered. "Once we see that you are cured, we keep the medication up for another 6 months (!) before we slowly start decreasing the dose."
In a nutshell: I am going to be stoned for the rest of the year!
So today was the first day under "rocket fuel". Well, the first days are always accompanied by "atypical" symptoms. Actually it felt like trying to be serious while being intoxicated. Hard to describe. Anyway, I don't have to. I am not able to any task that includes reflective concentration. My mind feels crippled. For someone who has been educated to work with his head the hardest burden sometimes. They hope it's going to work again in a few weeks.
Last but not leastsomething positive again: I had a great afternoon with Cileia and Yavor yesterday, drinking overpriced Starbucks coffee and cool beers next to the Aare River. Whatever the cause is: it is a privilege to be able to spend a weekday afternoon under the spring sun in one of the most beautiful city's in the world, with a cold beer and friends. Thanks guys! 5:8
The good news? well first of all: I am still alive!
I did not exaggerate when I told Sara on Saturday that I feel every day how this illness has the power to kill me. I simply try to ignore this, but constantly it stays in my head. Whichever strategy, I have been successful so far! You might have broken my mind and body, bitch, but you won't break my will to live!
Yesterday I have been to the hospital again, for a new checkup (the second this week). The doctor was happy. As I am doing better compared to 1 month ago, he decided to start now an even stronger treatment. So starting from now, dropping in a pill will not only be the end of every day, but also the start. He said, that this combination of medication was nicknamed "rocket fuel", due to the energy boost it causes to most of the patients. My confidence in the seriosity of the art of medicine is being challenged these days.
So here I am with a horse load of medication beside me. Every drug addict would envy me. The Patient information leaflet for the new drug is actually a booklet. The impressive list of side effects outnumbers almost the effects that appear, in case I cease the treatment from one day to the other. What lead me to another question to the doctor:
Given the high dose of drugs I was prescribed I asked how we would end the treatment once all this is over. "Very easy!" The doc answered. "Once we see that you are cured, we keep the medication up for another 6 months (!) before we slowly start decreasing the dose."
In a nutshell: I am going to be stoned for the rest of the year!
So today was the first day under "rocket fuel". Well, the first days are always accompanied by "atypical" symptoms. Actually it felt like trying to be serious while being intoxicated. Hard to describe. Anyway, I don't have to. I am not able to any task that includes reflective concentration. My mind feels crippled. For someone who has been educated to work with his head the hardest burden sometimes. They hope it's going to work again in a few weeks.
Last but not leastsomething positive again: I had a great afternoon with Cileia and Yavor yesterday, drinking overpriced Starbucks coffee and cool beers next to the Aare River. Whatever the cause is: it is a privilege to be able to spend a weekday afternoon under the spring sun in one of the most beautiful city's in the world, with a cold beer and friends. Thanks guys! 5:8
posted by Sabi at 9:42 PM
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