I feel like travelling
My post from Monday was very negative about my KickOff experience. Actually having spent the past three days sorting, editing and uploading the big part of the 1,151 pictures that I took, I am constantly confronted with all the good stuff.
Currently I am being bombarded with friends and tagging requests. And I also receive individual emails like: "Hi, can u please send me the pic that you took of me and that girl? Please send it but do not tag it online."
The mainly positive memories of the conference are with me while doing all this work. Talks about AIESEC, life, my illness and love. Talks in German, English, French and a Hindi/Urdu mixture that I highly appreciated. I had great laughs and despite some rather sad confrontations with my current reality it was good to expose myself to something like this. Reality seems sometimes too far away these days. Sometimes I feel like all this is so bad, it has to be a nightmare. And my dreams, hopes and healthy past would be the reality that I would just wake up into right after the shock. But the shock stays, the past does not come anymore and the future is yet not to start.
Is it so bad, if I give in to that little hope, that dream, if it ads strength to my will to live? Yes I do feel better these days, but yet have to keep fighting. Let me fight the illness first and keep what you call reality for later. Let me my memory of good times and the hope that they come back in one way or the other. Let me the certainty that I maintained my ability to dream, hope and love, even in a time as cruel as now. In a time where my body fights my will and mind so hard.
Ankit gave me the advice to travel. A good idea. I know only one place appropriate.
Currently I am being bombarded with friends and tagging requests. And I also receive individual emails like: "Hi, can u please send me the pic that you took of me and that girl? Please send it but do not tag it online."
The mainly positive memories of the conference are with me while doing all this work. Talks about AIESEC, life, my illness and love. Talks in German, English, French and a Hindi/Urdu mixture that I highly appreciated. I had great laughs and despite some rather sad confrontations with my current reality it was good to expose myself to something like this. Reality seems sometimes too far away these days. Sometimes I feel like all this is so bad, it has to be a nightmare. And my dreams, hopes and healthy past would be the reality that I would just wake up into right after the shock. But the shock stays, the past does not come anymore and the future is yet not to start.
Is it so bad, if I give in to that little hope, that dream, if it ads strength to my will to live? Yes I do feel better these days, but yet have to keep fighting. Let me fight the illness first and keep what you call reality for later. Let me my memory of good times and the hope that they come back in one way or the other. Let me the certainty that I maintained my ability to dream, hope and love, even in a time as cruel as now. In a time where my body fights my will and mind so hard.
Ankit gave me the advice to travel. A good idea. I know only one place appropriate.
posted by Sabi at 12:00 AM
2 Comments:
You promised to come to Helsinki! ;o)
Yes, but I'll wait until the temp is raising a bit further up. This journey goes elsewhere.
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